What does it mean to be ‘Inspirational’?

I’ve been thinking about the word ‘inspirational’ for the last couple of days. A close family friend, who sadly passed away on Tuesday, was nothing short of inspirational. Although I doubt that she would have called herself so. Helen was dealt a shitty hand, in that she was diagnosed with stage four (terminal) breast cancer in May of last year; at 37 years old.

Helen swallowed the bitter ‘cancer’ pill with great strength and dignity, and after a short interlude (to reset her sails), she pulled up her big girl knickers and cracked on with life. She embarked on a gruelling regime of chemo followed by platinum therapy in an attempt, not to rid herself of the ‘Big C’ – that wasn’t an option – but to give herself as long as possible with her husband and three young children.

She bravely documented the trials and tribulations of living with secondary cancer on social media, all the while encouraging us – her family and friends – to rethink cancer while getting to know out bodies, because early diagnosis is the key to survival! She also set about raising funds for her local hospice – the Hospice of the Good Shepherd – in Backford, Cheshire. A charity cricket match and family fun day took place at the end of August, followed by other fundraising opportunities that in total raised well over £10,000. I’d say that’s pretty inspirational….

I know that none of us know how we’d react in certain circumstances until we are literally faced with them, but its a thought I’ve pondered since Helen’s diagnosis. Would I have the courage or the energy to share my story? Would I be motivated to engage is selfless acts of fund and awareness raising; using myself as an example of what can happen if symptoms go undetected. And all this while undertaking a punishing treatment regimen.

I guess the very real answer to the question is…. I’m not sure I would!

Helen’s selfless attitude in the face of true adversity has led me to look a bit deeper into the meaning of the word ‘inspirational’ and whether it is becoming somewhat overused in today’s society. I think its fair game to say that seeing pictures of a toned girl or guy on the internet may have inspired most of us to grab our trainers and go for a run – it may even have led to the people in those pictures being described as ‘inspirational’ – but it doesn’t carry quite the same weight that some inspirational folk might have over others.

Someone who puts the well-being of others so highly on her agenda, despite her own ailing health is, for me without a doubt, inspirational (even if she wouldn’t have used that word to describe herself!). I hope that if the ‘Big C’ ever comes knocking at my door that I will be as selfless, determined and strong as Helen.

Big Love,

Mammahannah xx

 

 

 

A ‘Festive’ MIL Moment!

It’s been a while since I last posted here…. bloomin’ ages in fact! I don’t really have an excuse for my lack of attention, save to say that I have been exceptionally busy being a full-time working mum to two children (soon to be three!). I’ve also been trying to be a thyroid warrior; helping to raise awareness of thyroid disease via Twitter (@butterflyjourn1) and my other blog abutterflyjournal.wordpress.com As many of you might recall I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism following the birth of my youngest daughter in October 2013. It was supposed to be post-partum and temporary, but unfortunately my body’s antibodies had other ideas and did a fantastic job of killing-off my thyroid gland completely. Being hypothyroid brings with it a whole host of unseen complications, that can make life more difficult. This is particularly so now that I am pregnant again. After a full-day at the office I have just about enough energy to cook a meal for my brood and then it’s off to bed for me! I’m exhausted like I’ve never been exhausted before. It is most definitely an inconvenience, but thankfully I have a wonderful husband who is able to pick up the slack when I’m struggling….

If I’m honest, I’ve struggled through the festive season. Don’t get me wrong, Christmas was lovely; a true family affair at my parent’s home in Scotland, and a few days where I could relax and put my feet up. The Pelvic Girdle Pain (PGP) I’ve been experiencing almost melted away into oblivion thanks to the support of my parents who took a really active role in helping to look after my youngest daughter, letting me get some much needed rest. New year, however, I could have seen that far enough! That’s when my mother-in-law (MIL) chose to release the narcissistic monster within… I received a solitary voice mail on Hogmanay (a Scottish term for New Years Eve) from my MIL, expressing her dissatisfaction at being unable to contact my husband or I. She indicated that she had tried ‘repeatedly’ to call us for two days, despite there being absolutely no missed calls on our land line or mobile phones. She expressed the assumption that she would see us on New Year’s Day and demanded that I call her back immediately! I didn’t… I’ve learned from experience that when my MIL is enraged it is not worth trying to hold a civil conversation with her. And so I sent her a text. It may not be the best way to communicate, but I figured that absolutely no communication at all would only make matters worse. I explained that we had long standing plans that evening to attend a party being hosted by our friends and reminded her (as it had already been previously discussed) that we planned to see my Sister and Brother-in-Law on New Year’s Day. I indicated that we would see her very soon to catch up, and I heard nothing more… from her anyway.

I’ve also learned that my MIL’s silence is very telling. When she is quiet, she is sulking; very much like a petulant child. It’s her default response to not getting her own way. But while she is sulking with me, she will play a very different game with other members of my husband’s family. Typically, this will involve calling my Husband’s Brother and Sister-in-Law, and spinning an elaborate yarn about how awful I’ve been to her (usually because we’ve said no to one of her demands). This occasion was no exception! Within half an hour of my text to my MIL I’d received a text from my SIL, asking if we’d seen my MIL over the festive period? And if not, why not? This is despite our plans – Christmas with my parents and New Year with friends and my Sister – being made clear to all of my husband’s family early on in December.

This was followed by further texts from my SIL telling me how down-in-the-dumps and depressed my MIL is; how sorry she feels for her, and that we should be looking after family in need! This alleged low-mood and depression was news to us. Not once had my MIL mentioned it to my husband or me, and she sees us most weeks. A coincidental contact from my SIL? Probably not! And the emotional stuff, well, it worked! My husband attempted to call his mother on New Year’s Eve to check that she was ok… But she refused to talk to him (yet another one of her games!) And on New Year’s Day there was yet more silence, which only served to upset my husband further, and in turn caused a great deal of ill-feeling between us.

Whether it is because I am pregnant, in physical pain with my pelvis, and feeling emotional at the mo, I’m not sure, but my MIL’s behaviour really got to me. And I mean really…. I felt STRESSED up to my eye balls! Yes there have been far worse ‘incidents’, but my usual resilience that helps me cope, just wasn’t there! I never want to feel that way again – it’s not good for my health (stress makes the symptoms of thyroid disorders worse) and its certainly not good for the baby I’m carrying!

My MIL is obviously not concerned with my wellbeing, so I have to be! Hence, I’ve decided that for the foreseeable future I am going to keep my husband’s mother at arm’s length! Her behaviour at New Year only served to reinforce that she is chronically jealous of our little functional family unit. Eight years I’ve put up with her chaotic behaviour , but no more!

Do you have a NPDMIL? Please feel free to leave your ‘MIL moments’ in the comments section – I’d love to hear from you!

Take Care x

Ten things you might not know about RMS Titanic

This weekend, the World has been remembering the sinking of the RMS Titanic one-hundred long years ago; arguably the most famous ship in history! Of course, the so-called “unsinkable ship” is so very fascinating because it … well, sank; tragically taking with it fifteen-hundred and thirteen passengers and crew, and making it the largest single loss at sea of all time.

Prior to hitting an iceberg one hundred and seven hours into its ill-fated journey, passengers had enjoyed comfortable (if they couldn’t afford luxurious) surroundings, superb cuisine, the most attentive of service and promise of a safe arrival in New York City. Alas, for two-thirds of its occupants, this was not to be, for one hundred and sixty minutes after its collision, the great ocean liner sunk to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.

Titanic’s brief life has engendered hundreds of books, countless television documentaries, a Broadway musical, more than a dozen films, numerous Titanic organisations on no fewer than three continents and changes to safety regulations that make travel on the ocean waves one of the safest modes of transportation today.

My interest in the disaster started as a child, on discovering a book of my Fathers in his library. From that moment I was hooked – bedtime fairy tales were soon replaced with texts, pictures, facts and figures about the great ship. Inevitably I became a bit of a tomboy, and a rather huge Titanic buff. And as an adult I remain every bit the Titanic fan.

And so, in the spirit of the centurion anniversary, remembering Titanic and the souls who so tragically lost their lives, I’d like to tell you 10 things you may not know about the disaster.

1. Three ships – Contrary to the popular belief that Titanic was a one-off, there was actually three near identicle ships, commissioned by Bruce Ismay (Chairman) of White Star Line: the Olympic class ocean liners. They were called the Olympic, the Titanic & the Gigantic (later re-named the Britannic) – in order of their going into service. The Olympic launched approximately ten months prior to the Titanic, and successfully sailed to New York on June 14, 1911. The Britannic’s construction was completed shortly after the Titanic’s tragic maiden voyage, leading to design changes (later made to the Olympic too!) such as extending watertight doors from E to B deck.

2. The Bad Omen – As Titanic left the harbour on her maiden voyage, a smaller ship called the New York escaped from its moorings and drifted towards the giant liner. The ships came within centimetres of collision, which was averted only by stopping the Titanic. Many seamen called the near miss, by the New York on the way to New York, a bad omen. Evidently it was!

3. The unsinkable myth – In September 1911, the battle ship HMS Hawke collided with the Olympic, midship. The incident opened two of the watertight compartments – damage that would have sunk most other sea-faring vessels at the time. But Titanic’s sister ship withstood the leakage, permitting her to return to port for repair. The accident fuelled the Titanic’s unskinable myth.

4. Still waters made the iceberg difficult to see – Official investigations into the sinking of the Titanic faulted the crew and White Star Line for not having enough binoculars to hand, particularly in the crow’s nest where look-outs spotted for ice. The oversight proved pertinent that night because the ocean was still and there was no moon. Waves would have created mist off the iceberg, making it easier to see, as would light from the moon, had there been any! Lookouts spotted the iceberg just a quarter-mile away – too close!

5. There was another ship in Titanic’s vicinity – Somewhere between six to ten miles away from the location of Titanic’s sinking, another ship, the Californian, had stopped for the night because of ice – something Titanic should have done too! But the ship did nothing to save Titanic, leading to disciplinary reprimands for its Captain and crew following the disaster. Investigations concluded that unfriendly banter between the wireless operators on the Titanic and the Californian had caused the latter to sign-off for the night.

In a twist of fate, the wireless operator of the Carpathia, the ship which steamed to the rescue of Titanic’s passengers, returned to check the time over wireless prior to going to bed. If he had not done so, he too would have missed the distress call.

6. The legend of Molly Brown – In James Cameron’s romanticized version of Titanic, and indeed, across other accounts of the sinking ship, there exists a legend of the “unsinkable Molly Brown”, a staunch feminist who was ostracised by society and shunned by her family. In reality, the name Molly Brown was a Hollywood invention! First class passenger Margaret Tobin Brown was neither spurned by her family or society. And she proved to be a heroine of the Titanic; helping other people onto lifeboats after the ship struck the iceberg. She was eventually forced to board lifeboat six to save herself, but worked tirelessly to keep up the spirits of the other women passengers and dispel the gloom that was broadcast by the emotionally unstable Robert Hichens. However, Margaret’s most significant work was carried out on the Carpathia, where she assisted Titanic survivors, and afterwards in New York. By the time the Carpathia reached New York harbour, Margaret had established a survivors committee, been elected as Chair and raised $10,000 for destitute survivors. A truly remarkable woman!!

7. Locked below? – Every Titanic movie depicts third-class passengers trapped behind floor-to-ceiling gates. Careful examination of available plans of Olympic and Titanic reveals no such gates in passenger areas. U.S. immigration regulations required segregation of third class from first and second — the former faced Ellis Island inspection; all others landed directly at the pier. On Titanic, waist-high gates separated classes. Stewards nearby prevented gate-jumping. Eventually, they left to help in the evacuation, leaving gates unguarded, explaining a surge of third-class passengers onto the boat deck after most lifeboats had left. One Titanic author plotted more than 20 paths from third-class areas to the boat deck.

The high third-class death toll resulted primarily from language barriers, natural obedience to authority figures, refusal to leave male loved ones behind and the absence of communication.

8. One wrong turn. As Titanic’s grand staircase ascended to the boat deck, it divided into left and right halves. First-class male passengers who chose the left side were doomed; Second Officer Charles Lightoller strictly enforced the “women and children first” rule on the port side, allowing just one male passenger into a boat to help with rowing. Those who turned to the right at the top of the staircase had a chance to survive; First Officer William Murdoch enforced a policy of “women and children first, but men when there were no women.”

9. A Royal Mail Ship – The RMS Titanic was a Royal Mail Ship, a designation which meant the Titanic was officially responsible for delivering mail for the British postal service. On board the Titanic was a Sea Post Office with five mail clerks (two British and three American). These mail clerks were responsible for the 3,423 sacks of mail (seven million individual pieces of mail) on board the Titanic. Interestingly, although no mail has yet been recovered from the wreck of the Titanic, if it were, the U.S. Postal Service would still try to deliver it (the USPS because most of the mail was being sent to the U.S.).

10. The strangest of coincidences – Writer Morgan Robertson in his novel, the ‘Wreck of the Titan, or Futility’ predicted the sinking of the Titanic fourteen years before it really happened. In his book he tells the story of an “unsinkable” ship, the Titan, which sinks on its maiden voyage in the North Atlantic, in April. Very few people survived because of cocksure constructors and a shortage of lifeboats – just like it really occurred fourteen years later in real life.